This is a sad attempt at describing my first Tool concert experience. It is all I can do to make sure that I will always remember, at least in part, the greatest connection I’ve had with music in my life. 

I’ve never been a devoted Tool fan. I was introduced to Tool by some fellow college friends back in the early 2000’s and during that time, I was starting to come out of the closet as a non-Christian. Thanks to George Carlin I was able to embrace humorous logic of a life without Christian (or religious) beliefs, but it was Tool who (in part) helped me to open up to a different kind of spiritual possibility. Through their brilliant music I started understanding that we are eternal, that possibilities are infinite, that humanity and divinity are not opposite, that we are in an eternal journey of ascension which cannot be stopped. Now, throughout these years they have always been around (in my playlists) reminding me not only of some pretty powerful truths, but also rocking me hard with their awesome tunes, and on February 4th, 2012 I saw them live in Charlotte NC, and this is perhaps the first time in my life where music actually touched me. 

I was looking forward to Schism, Lateralus, and 46 & 2 and Parabola [the latter sadly it was not played :( ] because those have really had a big influence on me. Although Schism, Lateralus and 46 & 2 blew my mind, it was Pushit’s guitar jam that gave me a music-gasm. When the guitarist started his jam, I closed my eyes and felt completely overwhelmed by the energy emanating from the sound waves, the crowd around me and my own body. The music was going right through me, connecting me with every person in there, I felt alive, I felt part of everything around me and beyond, and all I could think of was “I exist, we are here, I am really here, we are all here, we are invited to the goddamn party” and I suddenly felt an urge to scream, not just to cheer, but to lift my voice along with the guitar, with the band, along with all my Tool-heads and send our unified sound out into space in case anyone was listening, to leave a sound mark in eternity as proof that we were there, and that our voices would leave a sound print in the space-time continuum. I could feel a tingling going through all my body and could literally see light emanating from everyone around me and I was so overwhelmed I wept the most grateful tears of my existence. I couldn’t believe I was worthy of such an experience and I felt humbled and empowered by the divinity of music. 

I’ve always been stirred intensely by great music, and have often thought that music must hold a great truth about our essence and maybe I have yet to discover many truths, but that night I concluded that great music, like Tool is able to create, really taps into the fact that we are more than flesh and blood. We are part of a great infinite reality, we are indeed the weavers of the fabric of reality and we can experience eternity at any moment, particularly with some really good fucking music. Thank you Tool.

“I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.”

- Bit from Lateralus by Tool